


StripperStuck

by Emil_Macabre



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fetish, Gay Bar, Gay Rights, Hermaphrodites, Humanstuck, M/M, Multi, One-Sided Relationship, Other, STRIPPER POLESSSSS, StripperStuck, Strippers, violent relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-01-18 08:15:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1421107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emil_Macabre/pseuds/Emil_Macabre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan, a young cross-dresser and recent collage dropout with no job decides to move to a new city and join a gay strip club, where he meets some unexpected faces from the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anyone who loves homestuck](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=anyone+who+loves+homestuck), [anyone who loves strippers](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=anyone+who+loves+strippers), [SburbVoidSession](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SburbVoidSession/gifts).



> HOW HAS SOMEONE NOT MADE STRIPPERSTUCK. FUCK IT, IM MAKING IT. IM MAKING IT.

A young man stood in front of a popular bar. If there was any place in the world where a homosexual fetish strip club could be this popular, this was it. The place of dreams and sex. That or the club was just really good. Even he was feeling slightly uncomfortable as he walked inside, watching an oddly familiar looking woman in all tight leather straps in all the places she didnt have to cover and a whip coiled around her figure. Her black hair whipped around her in tight braids as she swung around the stage. It would have been a display of pure beauty if it wasn't so lewd.  
He grinned a little as the word 'lewd' entered his mind, reminding him of an old half-friend. He was sure that if HE was there, he would be cringing and close to seizuring on the fucking floor from the show.  
A man in leather just as tight whistled and the young man realized it was directed at him. He looked over his bare shoulder at the whistler, swaying his hips subtly, feeling very good about the new skirt he had decided to buy.  
Feeling a little better about the whole thing, he walked up to the bar and sat down in a stool. His skirt was so short it let his bare thighs rub against the stool. He knew it was. The same man whistled again. He wondered if he should let the man buy him a drink, realized ha had spent the last of his money on the bus down, and decided he would wait. A shortish, skinnyish guy in all black with sallow skin and a deep, smokey smell around him came up. "Hey, kid. Looking for a drink?"  
"Uh... I-"  
"I'll get that for you." The same voice that had whistled was behind him. He decided to play the cute, eyes-on-the-ground girl and was about to give him the sexiest shy smile he could muster when he realized that he recognized the voice.  
"You!"  
"You didn't tell me you were visitin." His older brother grinned. "You didn't tell me ya LIVED here, asshole."  
This young man in the skirt happened to be a man named Eridan Ampora, and who he thought was a suitor happened to be his jerk-off older brother. "It's nice to see you too.  
I don't. Just visitin an old friend myself."  
"I didn't know you had friends." Eridan muttered. "I'll get the drink though."  
"I don't need you t'do that."  
"Really? Alright, fine."  
"...."  
"Get two whiskeys."  
"Ass." Eridan muttered, now wanting to get drunk now more than ever. "Why're you here then?"  
"I'm lookin for a job, or a house, or somethin like that."  
"Ahh, Dad'll be proud."  
"...I'm confused." The bartender said, eyeing them both, listening to their strange conversation.  
"We have a pornstar father."  
"Ahh." He said, like it was anything else, as he passed them their drinks. "You'll never guess who's runnin the place." Cronus grinned, sipping on his. "...Why? Do I know them?"  
"One o' your stupid highschool internet friends."  
"Seriously??? Which one?"  
"I don't fuckin know, but he gets on stage sometimes, and he's sexy."  
Eridan didnt need to hear any more. He downed his drink an went to meet the owner.


	2. Meet the Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan finds out that all of the people he used to like are being brought together in, in his opinion, the best yet orst way ever.  
> Also, he gets a boner in front of all of them.

Eridan whizzed through the crowd, trying to find some sort of door or backstage entrance. He scanned the place. It as full of freaks, geeks, and leather-wearing mamas (and papas). He knew he was in Vegas, but this was... very impressive. He turned from his looking to keep searching for a door and found his nose running right into a tall man's chest. They both bumped each other back, and the impact made Eridan's glasses fall off. "Agh- watch where you're goin!"

"You watch where you're motherfuckin- Eridan?"

"...One second." Eridan said, and knelled down to grab his glasses. His eyes were pretty bad, but he could see colour pretty well, and the glasses are a bright neon purple against the black floor. He pushed them up on his nose and looked up at the man, rising to his feet again. He was very tall, taller than most of the people there, and had broadish shoulders, with a wiry frame. He more facepaint and his smile was too pointy. It had to have been the makeup making it look like that. 

"Gamzee!"

Eridan froze.

"...Do you run this place?"

Gamzee's smile grew even wider. "Yeah. Your brother tell you? He's a regular!" He laughed. Eridan wasn't quite sure why it was so funny. "Damn, you never grew."

"Maybe not height-wise." Eridan said, a wicked hardness edging onto his face. "You're lookin more an more like your dad every day."

"You be careful with that shit." Gamzee said, flashing him another grin. "You see Feferi up there?"

"That- That was FEF?"

Gamzee nodded. "One o' my best girls. C'mon, meet the crew." Gamzee said, waving him over to a door. It blended right in with the wall. Eridan debated in his head for a second, then came to a 'why not?' sort of conclusion, and walked over with him. Gamzee went through the door first, and had to duck a little no not hit the decorative wood on the doorframe. Eridan was in no danger of having his head knocked, and walked through just fine.

While the outside was covered in darkness and dull colour and saturation and booze, the backstage was pretty calm. The dancers were running around in a pretty comfortably-lit, wide room, getting dressed, changing makeup, or heading off to the showers. There was a pretty equal number of boys and girls, and a brown door in the back of the room that probably lead to an office. "...Wow. This is sort of a... burlesque strip-bar."

"Yeah, man. Pretty much."

"I like it."

"I'm motherfuckin flattered."

"Gamzee, are you bringing guests into the backroom? AGAIN?" An obviously annoyed and condescending voice rang out from the other side of the room, and the sharp sound of hard six-inch heels clicking toward them made Eridan suddenly nervous. It reminded him of high school. He'd HATED high school.

The person, adorned in a very short skirt and breastplate-esque shirt, stopped in front of them and gave Gamzee a harsh look. They were even taller than Gamzee, but only by a little, and only because of the shoes. "Oh, loosen those motherfuckin panties, bitch. Only two other times. And they both work for us now!"

"Don't call me- that- in front of my ladies."

"I'll call you whatever I motherfuckin WANT 'in front of your ladies'." Gamzee said, imitating his voice on the last three words. "This is Eridan."

"Eridan? Eridan Ampora?"

Eridan himself was nearly completely slack-jawed, because the person standing in front of them was a boy he'd known in high school as well, and this was NOT how he'd expect him to turn out. "I- Equius?!"

That sharp grin formed on Gamzee's mouth again. "I like 'im more like this too."

Equius smacked him, leaving a bright red print of fingers and scratches from his long nails on his left cheek. Gamzee seemed to enjoy it. And then Equius SMILED a little.

Eridan had never been more confused in his life.

"Well, is that why he brought you back here? You want to work for us?" Equius asked, turning back to Eridan. "Uh. Maybe? That would be- kinda awesome."

"Are we hiring?" Equius asked Gamzee, raising an eyebrow. Gamzee, rubbing his jaw softly, just shrugged. "Sure. A new kid would be good. You ever perform before?"

"Yeah, I did back home for half a year." 

Gamzee nodded slowly, and his eyes narrowed a little. "Come back noon tomorrow an' show up what you can up an do, aight, brother?"

"Alright. I can do that."

"Now get out of the backstage." Equius said sharply. The hand resting under his chin flicked up and pointed at the door. Eridan turned, acting slightly offended, got outside, closed the door, and mouthed 'what the fuck just happened' to himself as he processed it all. So, he had a job tomorrow at a strip joint that was surprisingly interesting and also contained at least three people he'd known when he was younger.

...Okay then.

Cronus walked up. "You look shook. Equius chew you out? She does that sometimes."

"A little. She?"

Cronus shrugged. "She likes she or he, it don't really matter. I use she."

"Right. Okay." Eridan said, tucking that away for later. "...I know I'm gonna regret asking this. But... can I sleep at your place tonight?"

"Yeah, sure. But ya might have to deal with me fuckin a girl against the wall all night, cause that chick over there seems into me."

"I'm sure." Eridan said sarcastically. If he got the job, was he going to move out here? He'd love to. Did he have the money? Would he make the money?

He sighed to himself softly. Don't run through it all now and freak yourself out, he told himself in his head. Just wait until tomorrow.

Just wait until tomorrow.


	3. Oh Fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan tries out. Dave strips in female lingerie. Equius is a flaming bitch.  
> The usual.

'She got it.'  
that was what Eridan played for his try-out. She got it.  
And did she ever.  
He shook and flew and sang along and rode the pole like it was all he ever wanted- and maybe it was. He was desperate, yeah, but he was the right kind of desperate. The sexy kind. The kind that leaves you sweating in a corner reeking of mistakes.  
Gamzee gave him the job.

"Ya saw the main room. This is the showers. We all get together back here." Gamzee said, his hand on Eridan's shoulder, gesturing to the shower room after practice. It was large and there were no dividers.  
"We... all use it at once?"  
"More or less." Equius said, standing beside them. "Gamzee, we have paperwork to fill out, remember?"  
"Fill it out yourself." Gamzee half-sneered, half-grinned at Equius. He rubbed Eridan's shoulder warmly, but it came across more creepy than anything else to him. "I liked ya routine. Good job, kid." Gamzee murmured, a slow smile on his face. Eridan smiled nervously back. Gamzee was huge and intimidating. Having his arm around you was a very interesting mix of exciting and terrifying.  
"We have one more try-out, Gamzee."  
Equius' voice cut like a knife through the air. The dry british accent and fake high pitch made it very... severe. Gamzee turned to him, one eyebrow cocked.  
"Yeah? Who?"  
?A man named David Strider. Dirk told me about him." Equius said casually. he suddenly smiled- it was sharp and wicked. He had changed a lot since high school.  
Gamzee seemed livid. "You're motherfuckin JOKING."  
"No. Now play nice, Gamzee. Hit the showers, Eridan. You start soon. Watch the girls tonight, alright?" He said, directing his attention to Eridan. He nodded quickly and dissapeared into the shower room.  
Gamzee and Equius bickered down the hall about Dave. Dave Strider, Gamzee's arch-fucking-enemy in high school, was trying out at his strip joint? No way he'd get in.  
Right?

Dave's song was 'Marry the Night' by Lady Gaga.   
And fuck if he didn't goddamn nail that shit.  
The stage started dark. 

I'm gonna marry the night  
I won't give up on my life  
I'm a warrior queen  
Live passionately tonight

He sauntered down the stage and gripped the pole, cascading down it gently in a spiral that any stripper would have loved to prefect. His bangs were long enough to flip and he flipped them well, dancing off to one side of his head and letting one bright red eye show from beneath them. His outfit was tight and showed everything right, all red leather and lace.

Gamzee made a tight-lipped face and crossed his arms. "Motherfucker."

he nailed it. Every turn, every thrust, every drop of sweat he gave, he nailed it. Gamzee had no choice but to let him into the group.  
Eridan finished washing up an watched the performers all night with Equius. They barely talked, but he was already getting more comfortable around him. A little less nervous, he turned to him as they cleaned up and asked a question.

"...so wwhere do you fit in with all this?"


	4. Equius tells a story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Equius reveals how he went from a repressed freaked out teen to a cross-dressing man who doesn't give a single fuck. Gamzee might have helped a little.  
> MALE/MALE SEX HAPPENS IN THIS CHAPTER. JUST AN FYI.

Equius snickered. "Where do I fit in? I own the place. I'm Gamzee's boss."  
"You own this place?" Eridan asked, looking around. He could hardly believe it.  
"I know. I knew me in high school too." Equius murmured, looking at the stage distantly. A woman with long red hair was dancing on the pole with a playful assistant wearing nothing but yellow and black briefs and costume bee wings.  
"...If you don't mind me asking... why did you change?" Eridan wondered out loud. Equius just smirked. His thin lips in that tight cornered smile made Eridan slightly nervous, but he had no idea why.  
Equius pointed to the man standing by the stage. Gamzee.  
"...Him..?" Eridan asked, confused.

"When I was younger, my uncle owned this bar. I thought it was horrible. But then he died, and he left it to me. So I had to deal with owning this place. Obviously, I was horrified." He said. "But then, Gamzee came along. He offered to manage while owned so I wouldn't have to deal with it. At first, I hated it. I refused to have him working on my property."  
"Why?" Eridan asked.  
"Because we also went to highschool together. And I hated him. I still do, I think." Equius said, and leaned back in his seat. "He was everything I despised. Rude, Crude, offensive, a swearing smoking mess."  
"...what changed?"  
"He showed me the other side." Equius said.

\+ + +

A young man named Equius stood in his apartment. "No. My answer is still no. You're just doing this because you need a job."  
"Yeah. And cause I motherfuckin pity you."  
"PITY me?? Pity. You..." Equius pointed a long finger up at him, his lips shaking.  
Gamzee grabbed his finger and lowered it roughly. "Yeah. I pity you. You push yourself down like a bitch an dont show your true colours cause you're motherfuckin afraid. I pity you."  
"...true colours?"

"First of all, you're gay as hell."  
Equius pulled his finger away hastily. "What?? I am NOT."  
"Then what's that?" Gamzee grinned slyly, and pointed down at the bulge in Equius' pants.  
Equius looked down and almost cringed. oh shit.  
"This is turnin you on. I am? Lil old me? I'm flattered, Eq, but I aint that kinda guy." Gamzee smiled wickedly.  
Equius looked up at him with malice. He reached up and shoved him into the wall. "I- You most certainly are! You're a freak!"  
"Just like you." Gamzee said quietly. "Just let it out, man."  
Gamzee grabbed Equius' arms and pulled him over- and kissed him. Equius struggled and tried to push him away- but Gamzee was almost as strong as him, and part of him actually didn't WANT to push him away.

Gamzee let up and looked down at Equius. "Let go." "You think I want advice from you?" "I think you do." "That was disgusting." Equius sneered, and wiped his mouth. "Do it again." "Thought you were the one that liked bein told what to do." Gamzee snickered. He leaned down and kissed Equius' neck, biting softly at the skin. Equius let his eyes close and his mouth tightened into a thin line to keep from making any noise. 'I'm not doing this.' he thought to himself. 'I'm not.'

"...Gamzee." "mhm?" "I can't do this." "Why?" "...because, well..." Gamzee ran his fingers through the long black hair hanging from Equius' scalp and looked into his eyes. They both had blue eyes, but they were still radically different- Equius' were dark and cloudy, while Gamzee's were so bright they were almost a white.

"There aint really a reason, is there?"

"But there isnt a reason to do it."

Gamzee grinned. "Okay. How about- If I can make you come, I get the job."

Equius stared up at him. "I... You know what? Sure. I want to see this, Gamzee."

"So see it you will."

Gamzee and Equius fucked on the dining room table, and Equius came twice. Gamzee got the job.

\+                              +                             +

Eridan stared at Equius. "...woah."

"Mhm. It was him. He changed me. And as you can see, I'm much happier this way."

"It does seem like it'd more fun." "You would know, wouldnt you?"

"...I've always been like this." Eridan admitted. "So you can murder clown over there have something in common. Good." Eridan looked down into his drink. This was insane. "Oh, the lighting guy is off again. One moment." Equius got up and shouted up the stairs to the lighting room. "Karket! Get in time!" "Fuck off!" A rough voice came back for the response.

Equius sighed. "The only reason I keep him is because he's so damn good. Except for when he's not."

**Author's Note:**

> I realize this chapter was extremely short, I needed to rush it and I AM SORRY.  
> The next chapters will be longer and uncut bby  
> stippersssssssss


End file.
